A couple of months ago I had the opportunity to attend my good friend’s bachelor party. For many guys this would bring great excitement and anticipation but for me, especially the few weeks leading up to the weekend getaway, I felt more nervous and uncomfortable than anything else. I started to feel a lot of tension around spending so much time in an environment that no longer resonated with me. I was worried about losing myself and feeling pressured to partake in things that I no longer wished to partake in.
I used to be a big partier when I was in university and the friends that I was going to celebrate this occasion with didn’t really know me for who I have become in the past 6 years, they knew me for who I used to be. The idea of going and spending a weekend partying didn’t really resonate with me.
The more I thought about the weekend as it approached the more tense and triggered I got until I finally sat down to reflect and meditate and get clear on what the root of the resistance was all about.
In high school I never felt like I fit in and always felt like an outsider. It wasn’t until I got into university that I finally felt like people liked and accepted me. However I always felt like I needed to drink alcohol to feel comfortable in social settings and in order for me to let my guard down and feel free to express myself without fear or worry.
But once I graduated university I stepped into a new phase of my life and my personal growth where I realized I no longer needed anything externally to make me feel a certain way internally. I removed myself from social scenes that no longer felt good and immersed myself in a whole new kind of community and friendships that I felt truly supported me for whoever I wished to be and however I wished to express myself.
I realized that going back to the city where I went to university, with friends I spent my university years with, was not just triggering the fear of feeling pressured to be someone I no longer felt I was, but it was also giving me the opportunity to heal that part of myself that never felt accepted!
It takes a lot of courage to be true to who you really feel you are in each moment, especially when you are in circumstances where you don’t feel you are supported or accepted.
So I mustered up all my courage and decided to re-write my past. I let go of the judgment I was feeling for who I used to be and filled myself up with even more love from within.
I decided to attend the bachelor party from the perspective of it being a wonderful opportunity to practice what I preach, and put my self-love and self-worth into action. I knew that the better I felt about myself the more confident I would be to express myself freely and be who I truly was.
And the funniest thing happened; as I expressed myself genuinely and authentically and showed up true to who I was that weekend, I was met with more acceptance and respect than I ever thought possible!
I realized that weekend that I no longer needed to shy away from circumstances or environments that did not resonate or feel supportive; because I had all the support and acceptance I needed within. I had a major breakthrough because I was courageous enough to honor myself rather than please the group and try to fit in to be accepted. I stood tall in my truth and because of that, I was met with more respect than resistance.
I danced like no one was watching, spoke from my heart, went to bed earlier than everyone else, created my own fun and embraced the fact that I was more excited by the health food store across the street from our hotel than anything else! I felt freer to be the true me than ever before and it was incredibly liberating!
Often times we give so much of our power to our external circumstances and focus only on how they impact us internally that we forget how our internal state of being has the power to shift our external circumstances. To me the true power lies is in the saying “as within so without”.
I created new circumstances because I had the courage to be true to who I was no matter what!